He thought he would be home about 13:30. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Thats Daddy. You divertyour course! The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". A drill serGENTLEMEN! F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. He is the Founder and . On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Yes, she said. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. ! Again, no reply. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. 2. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. If it doesnt move, pick it up. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. We are directly under the moon.. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. St. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Rodrigues there? Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Do you have change for a dollar? I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. What are you doing? I asked. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Takeoffs are optional. If pilots screw up, they die. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. What do hungry Marines eat? For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. 39. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Ocean Pearl, I answered. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Yes, said the lieutenant. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. I was the cook.. Marine: Wait, stop. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Rodrigues? Louis, I grumbled. 6. 37. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Only one. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Large mahogany desk.. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. We were a tough group. He needed COVER! When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Semper Pie I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. What do hungry Marines eat? 3. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. He nodded. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. USA: Choppers I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! 1. August 15, 2021. ", 55. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. But I had the last laugh. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. USN: Helos Rodrigues there? 35. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Then one day I couldnt find it. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Heres what they came up with: We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Bad altitude. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. 9. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Pilots 5. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Its where we park the helicopters.. 40. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. How tough? You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. What happened Sergeant? They bagged six. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Its not weak, he replied. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? They cant seem to string three Ws together. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. 16. 42. 11. He nodded. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. It took the poor guy all day. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. 1. SUB sandwiches! What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. 4. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Me: Still the wrong number. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Eternal Piece During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. 66. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. 45. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Aeronautical Humor. Later, I spoke with Mom. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Ocean Pearl, I answered. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Thanks.. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 17. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Rodrigues there? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. This is really good, he said. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! We were a tough group. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Caller: Is Sgt. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Baltimore, said Dad. ! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. It was PRIVATE. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? A PETTY officer! . "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Me: Hello? The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Caller: Do you have his right number? But something struck me as odd. He finally comes dragging in at. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. A friend paid my mother a visit. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. 2. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Caller: OK. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Fish Food. R-i-i-ing!) The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Fish Food. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Me: No. (Hang up. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? He then made his way to my side. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. USMC: OHH! Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. (Hang up. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em.

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